Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
