can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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