Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
