First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
