I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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