What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
