Yo dont text me then not text me
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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