He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
