No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
