So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
