can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
