I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
