Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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