My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
