shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
