You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
