I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
