Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
