Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
