Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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