Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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