dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
