does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
