I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
