dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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