please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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