Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
