The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
