I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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