her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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