Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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