Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
