I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
