well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
