last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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