I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
