Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
