I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
