she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize