He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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