I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Sext me about skeletons
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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