totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
