i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize
