On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
