Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
