The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
