Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
drinking out of a sandbucket again
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
