Sober January is a disaster.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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