I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My cat gives me a boner
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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