Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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