i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
