I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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