the new term for farting is butt boxing.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
