No awkward lesbian experiences without me
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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