i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
