We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
