please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
