Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
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