it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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