My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
