its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'd cum for enchiladas.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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