: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
