so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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