Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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