i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
