SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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