i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
