After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
