Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Randomize
