Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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