you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
