Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
