There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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